As adults we are often unaware of how our childhood affects our relationships with food. It wasn’t until I started my own weight loss journey that I realized just how much my thoughts, feelings and actions surrounding food affected my weight.
I grew up in a household where food insecurity was very familiar. My parents who experienced segregation under Jim Crow Laws and were not allowed to eat in many restaurants or shop in certain grocery stores, were raised by the silent generation who experienced The Great Depression where food as rationed and, in many cases, scarce. They were taught to “eat what’s on the table or you don’t eat”; to “clean your plate or “go to bed hungry”; “clean your plate or no desert”; “don’t waste food” and “do not get up until you clean your plate”.
I understand these “rules” were born mostly out of love, but they also had a deeper more
sinister meaning. You see, my grandparents, just like many of my Gen-X counterparts were raised by first generation descendants of slaves and sharecroppers who learned to take scraps or rations and make those food sources into meals to feed their families. In those days you either ate what you had available, or you starved. Food during slavery sharecropping days was often used as a reward but also as a weapon. Scraps of animal carcasses deemed unfit to eat by plantation owners were given to slaves & sharecroppers to eat giving rise to foods like chitterlings, souse, scrapple, pork skins, ham hocks, chicken or pig feet. Not only were they tasked with making the most unappetizing foods into delicious meals, subsequently those heavily seasoned high calorie recipes were passed down generation to generation, and so were the “rules” surrounding food & mealtimes.
Fast-forward several years and growing up, many of us have heard these same stories and rules surrounding food such as: mealtimes are breakfast at 7am or before school, lunch between noon and 2pm, dinner at 6pm; 3 square meals per day are required to be healthy; making a “happy plate”; eating your fruits & vegetables; carbs are bad; eat food before desert; eat all 5 food groups with each meal, etc. Years of cleaning my plate, eating beyond fullness, eating when not hungry, or fear of going hungry have contributed to my weight gain and helped to foster an unhealthy relationship with food.
Now as an adult with unlimited access to grocery stores, freedom to cook my own meals, order take-out, sit down at a nice restaurant, and set my own mealtimes, I find it difficult to deprogram these “rules” surrounding food mealtimes. Food is a central part of global culture. We eat when we gather, when happy, sad, celebrating, mourning, socializing, relaxing, when conducting business and even out of boredom.
Obviously, these “rules” are not the only reason for my struggle with weight gain, but I would be dishonest with myself if I did not address all underlying causes of my struggle with obesity. These unwritten “rules” are a significant part of the problem for me and many of the patients in my weight management program. The guilt and shame felt when not cleaning your plate or wasting food (because of starving children in whatever country that would be grateful to have it) is REAL. The judgment felt when people know you are “dieting” or trying to lose weight is REAL. The frustration of only eating salads because they are the only “healthy” option on the menu is REAL. The dishonor you feel when your elderly relative baked your favorite dish, and you only have a small portion is REAL. Your emotions, thoughts, and feelings are REAL. Identifying triggers of emotional eating is a key to breaking the chokehold that cleaning your plate has on many of us.
So, I challenge you to identify those unwritten rules that trigger your thoughts, feeling and actions toward your relationship with food. Be mindful of your satiety cues. When you feel full, it is OK to stop eating. It is OK to not ask for a to-go box. It is OK to only eat when you are hungry. It’s OK to have non-traditional mealtimes. It is OK to not clean your plate.
Until Next Time,
Stay Happy & Healthy!
Nurse Nel
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